GWing Madness
by starcrest
Summary: Ah, I'm back again! And I've brought my two best friends, Kui and Blink. Warnings, PG-13 for suggestive themes, all-character bashing, and slight swearing. Not gonna bother with a spoiler--- just read. You'll laugh a lot! I promise!!!
1. The madness that was the Hamtaro song be...

Ooh, the things you get when I'm bored!   
  
Disclaimer: The GW characters aren't mine and the Pikachu isn't either, but Starcrest, Kiu, and Blink are real authoresses and are my friends, and the ideas are ALL mine. Don't steal, or you'll be missing a few fingers and thumbs, making it hard to type and steal stuff.  
  
Warning: A little of everyone bashing, a tiny bit of swearing, and some suggestive themes. There isn't hardly enough bashing here to flame me, so back off you morons!  
  
  
Episode 1: The Madness that was the Hamtaro Ending Theme Song Begins!  
  
Blink: I'm bored.  
Starcrest: Me too.  
Kiu:...  
Starcrest: Hey, I took an IQ test a while ago.  
Kiu: What did you get, -3?  
Starcrest: (*eyes water up*)  
Blink: Kiu is a meanie!  
Kiu: I was kidding.  
Starcrest: (*cries*)  
Kiu:...  
Blink: C'mon, JJ, smile!  
Starcrest: (*twitches*)  
Kiu: What was that all about?  
Blink: It was an attempt at smiling.  
Starcrest: (*twitches*)  
Kiu: Smile, dammit!  
Starcrest: (*twitches*)  
Kiu:...  
Blink: Hm, hm, hm (*musical note mark*)  
Starcrest: If I can't smile, I'll do the next best thing... (*starts dancing*)  
Kiu: ...  
Blink: (*still humming quietly to herself*)  
Starcrest: (*starts singing the Hamtaro theme song*)  
(*Wufei comes in and dances too*)  
Wufei: Lalalalala, Ooh la la la (*singing*)  
(*Heero and Duo come in too, dressed in big neko pajamas. They begin singing and dancing too*)  
Heero: Dancing. Dancing. (*trying to sing*)  
(*Trowa and Quatre come in, dressed in big bunny pajamas and start dancing and singing too*)  
Starcrest: Lalalalala, ooh lalala!  
Boys: Lalalalala, ooh lalala!  
Starcrest: Let's make a wish, ooh ooh, Make it come true, singing with us is all that you do!  
Boys: Come on and do your very best, ooh ooh, get a hundred on your test,  
All: All of your dreams will come true! Come on and...  
Kiu: This is too stupid for me. (*tries to leave, but Trowa grabs her and forces her to dance like the rest of them*)  
Trowa: Dance. Dance. Everybody. Dance. Now.  
Blink: (*Watching with curiousity*)  
(*Heero suddenly stops, and pulls a gun on a tree*)  
Heero: (*singing very badly in monotone*) The refridgerator's dead.  
Duo: That's not even a song!  
Wufei: Augh! (*falls over, passed out*)  
(*Heero kills the tree and pauses to brood a little*)  
Kiu: Ha, ha, ha, Heero, you moron...  
(*the music stops, and everyone stares in disbelief at Kiu*)  
Kiu: uh.............  
Heero: (*eyes water*) meanie! (*runs off*)  
Duo: (*following Heero*) Hey, wait a minute Heero! She was just kidding!  
(*Quatre and Trowa run to a vacant bedroom*)  
Blink: I want some hot wings! Now!  
Wufei: (*now un-passed out*) I need to hunt chickens first.  
Starcrest: Chicken hunting!  
Wufei: Let's hunt!  
(*Starcrest and Wufei go out into the middle of the woods while Blink pours herself a glass of iced tea and watches Shrek*)  
Wufei: Be vewwy vewwy kwy-et. Ah'm hunting wabbits. huhuhuhuhuhuhuh!  
Starcrest: (*smacks Wufei's head*) No, chickens!  
(*they prepare the chicken trap by finding a high tree and digging a hole next to it. They run off to build a fire. Meanwhile...*)  
  
Kiu: So, anyways, they all started dancing and singing the Hamtaro song!  
Bartender: Really now? And that's bad to you? I _like_ the Hamtaro song, for your information!  
Random guy at the counter to her left: Yeah, me too!  
Second Random guy at the counter to her right: Hey now, little lady, we don't want any trouble.  
Other random guy at one of the tables: We don't take kindly to your types around these parts, now.  
Random Panda Bear at another table: Rwwooll rwwooolll. (I'm a panda.)  
Third Random guy at the counter three men down to the right of the second Random guy at the counter to her right: You bettah leave, if you know what's good fer ya!  
Kiu: uh....   
Second Panda bear sitting at another table with the First Panda bear at the other table sipping on a cup of tea: (*to the other panda*) Rwwol Rwwol rooooowlll roar! (I don't take kindly to your type around here!)  
First Random Panda Bear at another table: rwwl? worrl rooowl rowl rwool... (What? I think you've had one too many to drink, Freddie.)   
Second Panda bear sitting at another table with the First Panda bear at the other table sipping on a cup of tea: Rwwol! Rwwol moron rwol? rwwl rowl rowl rowl? (I'll tell you when I've had enough! What do you think I am, a moron? You think I'm incapable of keeping track of my own alcohol intake?)  
Genie from the bottle: (*drunk, and trying to sing the song "Genie in a bottle" by Christina Agulaira*) I'm a genie in a bottle... rub me... right... right... way, uh huh uh huh...  
Kiu: That's it, I'm out of here. (*leaves*)  
  
(*in Heero's room, Heero and Duo are playing Role-play using Barbies to try to understand what Heero is upset about*)  
  
Duo: Alright, Heero, you take the Relena Barbie doll and the Heero Ken doll, okay? I want you to do some role-playing and act out what is bothering you at the moment.  
Heero: I like the dress Relena is wearing right now. Do you think it would look good on me too?  
Duo: Honey, pink isn't your color. Can we get going now?  
Heero: Sure. (*makes the Relena "walk" by making it hop around in little circles*) My name is Relena Peacecraft. And I stand for peace and the right to force monkeys to become my personal slaves.  
  
doll Heero: I like to kill things.  
doll Relena: I do not like it when people kill things.  
doll Heero: I like to blow stuff up, mainly pretty princesses who don't deserve to rule the Earth.  
doll Relena: (*to the Heero doll*) I do not like it when people blow stuff up, especially when they blow up pretty princesses like me who don't deserve to rule the Earth.  
doll Heero: You wear a lot of pink and cheap perfume. You must be evil.  
doll Relena: That's because I am. You see, all anyone ever sees is a powderpuff whiny brat who stalks cute boys halfway across the globe and makes long, boring speeches about peace, but in the truth, that's not how I am in real life.  
doll Heero: What do you mean?  
doll Relena: You see, I hate people. I wanted my brother to destroy Earth.   
doll Heero: I still don't understand.  
doll Relena: Alright, let me explain: OnedayIwaswalkingalongandIsawthiscutiepielittlefrogthingyandIpickeditupanditsaid"kissme"butIwouldn'tandIinsteadthrewitintothepondandittoldme"f-you"butIjustflippedthebirdatitinresponseand...(*three hours later*) and that's how I became princess of the Earth.  
doll Heero: I see. It makes sense now. But you are still annoying. I want to kill you and blow stuff up.  
doll Relena: You can't kill me.  
doll Heero: Why not? (*pointing a tiny plastic gun at doll Relena*)  
doll Relena: Because you're in love with me!  
doll Heero: (*cringes and drops plastic gun*) Dammit! It all makes perfect sense now! But what about Duo?  
doll Relena: It doesn't matter, my love. You must join the dark side now.  
doll Heero: Never! I will never give in to your feminine wiles and cheap perfume in which I like very much! Never!  
doll Relena: I bet that if I stand on a cliff and call your name, you'll join me in my quest to take over the earth and destroy green beans forever.  
doll Heero: Twenty bucks says I won't!  
doll Relena: Alright then. (*Heero makes believe that she has run off to the other side of the world and is standing on a cliff, which is actually a laundry basket turned upside down*) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
doll Heero: (*shaking*) must... refuse... rescuing... Relena... must.... refuse.... deliciously cheap... perfume.... and.... really... big.... earrings.... (*flies towards her*)  
doll Relena: Oh, I just knew you'd come. Pay up, loser.  
doll Heero: I don't have twenty bucks.  
doll Relena: Alright then, to make it up, you have to protect me for the rest of your life, and dress up in a big neko outfit and cater to my every whim without question.  
doll Heero: um.....okay.  
doll Relena: Bwahahahahaha!  
  
(*Heero drops the dolls and looks at Duo, who is confused*)  
Heero: What is it? Not good enough role-playing?  
Duo: Did any of that actually happen?  
Heero: Yeah, actually, last Friday.  
Duo: Oh. What was that all about with the whole "What about Duo" part?  
Heero: A dream I had.  
Duo: Let's do some more role playing then. Here, you keep the Heero doll (*takes the Relena Barbie doll and puts her away*) and take this Duo Barbie doll. (*takes out a ken doll that looks like himself*)  
Heero: (*Drops the Heero doll on the Duo doll and makes naughty noises that make Duo blush*)   
Duo: ... :)~~~~  
  
  
(*It is now 9:00 at night, Pacific coast time: Blink has just finished watching Shrek for the thirteenth time, and is getting hungry. She goes out into the woods to find Starcrest (JJ-chan) and Wufei*)  
Blink: Oh where, oh where can me little friend be? Oh where, oh where has she gone? With her brain so small and her height so tall, Oh where, oh where can she be?  
(*Blink finds Starcrest and Wufei dancing naked around a campfire in a tribal manner, chanting some incomprehensible language*)  
Blink: AH!!!!!!!!!!! I can see his nekkie whiteness! (*runs 30 miles away onto a hill*) I can still see his nekkie whiteness from here!  
Starcrest: (*to Blink*) He's Almond!  
Blink: JJ-chan, what are you doing?  
Starcrest: We are summoning the Great Giant Pumpkin!  
Wufei: (*stops chanting because a bright blue light appears over the now extinguished fire*) HEY!  
Starcrest: He ish here at last!  
Blink: -_-'''''''  
(*Starcrest and Wufei bow down to the Almighty Great Giant Pumpkin, who will grant them wonderful luck in chicken hunting for tonight*)  
Great Giant Pumpkin (GGP): Who hath summonedeth me frometh my longeth slumbereth?  
Starcrest: It is I, you're loyal follower, Oh mighty Giant Pumpkin!  
GGP: You again?  
Linus from Peanuts: Hey! That's our Great Giant Pumpkin!   
GGP: (*eats Linus*) Now, then, where were we?  
Starcrest: (*now fully clothed*) You were just about to tell us what to bring you in exchange for your services.  
GGP: Ah, yes, I require 666 tons of belly button lint from every person on Earth.  
Starcrest: There isn't enough, and besides, I already built a castle with my belly button lint collection.  
GGP: Oh. Very well then. I want a cherry pie.  
Starcrest: (*hands over a pie*)  
GGP: Wonderful. You have my blessings, child.  
Starcrest: YAY!  
GGP: And before you go, put some clothes on the boy, will you?  
(*Starcrest clothes Wufei and walks off to find their pre-made trap. They sit on a tree branch and wait for a chicken to come by.*)  
Blink: I like pies too.  
GGP: Really. What is your favorite type of pie?  
Blink: (*evil glint in her eye*) Pumpkin.  
GGP: (*horrified*) T...that's just disgusting!  
Blink: uh... [lv.10 morph: target GGP]  
GGP: (*turns into a Great Giant Pie*) Oof!  
Blink: XD  
GGP: What's going on? My minions! Help me!  
Blink: (*eats the Great Giant Pie*)  
(*out of nowhere, mini GGP's attack Blink*)  
  
(*meanwhile, in some dark, deserted alleyway, Kiu is lost in the big city of some dark city somewhere close to wherever everyone else is*)  
Kiu: I'm wasted, man.   
Random drunk homeless man wearing a car tire for a hat: Hey, ya wanna buy a hat? It's thunder rat resistant!  
Kiu: Sure. (*buys hat for thirty cents*) Wow, this is nice. (*runs into a lost Pikachu*)  
Pikachu: Pika pii pii?  
Kiu: Pee pee? You have to potty? That isn't my problem, rat. You're grody. Leave me alone.  
Pikachu: (*angry*) Pika! Pikachu! (*tries to thundershock Kiu, but to no avail, tires out from wasting energy*)  
Kiu: Hmph. (*kicks Pikachu into a soccer field, where many little boys are playing soccer. Pikachu accidentally becomes the new ball*)  
Pikachu: Pikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....  
Kiu: Eeheheheheheh. Serves you right for messing with me!  
  
(*in Quatre and Trowa's bedroom, the two are playing a duet with the flute and violin. It is very beautiful. They end it nicely*)  
Quatre: All that playing with you made me hungry. I feel like eating some ice cream.  
Trowa: (*sadly*) But sugar makes you hyper...  
Quatre: It won't hurt just to have 2 scoops every _once_ in a while! And besides, you get hyper too!  
Trowa: Alright then... I trust you.  
(*they make their way to the kitchen and fix themselves some bowls of ice cream...*)  
  
(*In Heero's room...*)  
Duo: (*panting heavily*) Heero, that was great!   
Heero: (*panting just as hard*) I told you I was good at it. :3  
Duo: My hat's off to you buddy, you really know how to hoola-hoop! n.n  
Heero: Yeah. Well, are you thirsty? I'll get something for you if you want. :)  
Duo: Thanks buddy, I'd really appreciate that! n.n  
Heero: Root beer good? :)  
Duo: It's fine, thanks. ^_^  
(*Heero leaves the room and proceeds to the kitchen, where he finds a mini fort made out of blankets, pillows, and the kitchen table. He can hear the whispering voices of Quatre and Trowa underneath*)  
Quatre: Good, God, man, it's Heero!   
Trowa: What do we do? He'll destroy our headquarters with a single blow!  
Quatre: Why don't we chase him away?  
Trowa: Good idea. Let's throw candy at him.  
(*Heero is bombarded with little hard candies, but does not even flinch*)  
Heero: What's going on here? (* He moves towards the table with intentions of flipping it over and kicking Trowa and Quatre's butts, but the other two are wiser*)  
Quatre: Abandon ship!!!! (*Both he and Trowa dive out from underneath the table on the side opposite Yuy*)  
Trowa: He's destroyed our fort! (*points a golf club at Heero*)  
Heero: (*notices that Quatre is wearing a big pink frilly tutu with big green combat boots and glitter in his hair, and that Trowa is wearing a red speedo, barely covered by the big yellow raincoat he's sporting, along with a Dallas Cowboys football helmet. Both are covered in war paint*) What the Hell?  
Quatre: He's spotted us! Quickly, get on the big flying pterodactyl! (*they hop on imaginary horses or whatever and "gallop" off into the backyard*)  
Heero: ._.'''' (*gets two sodas and returns to his room*)  
  
(*in the forest*)   
Starcrest: Here comes one! (*points to a chicken twelve feet from the pit, and quickly walking towards it*)  
Chicken: Begah? (*hesitates and backs off from the pit, looking around suspiciously*)  
Wufei: Do a chicken call...  
Starcrest: (*makes a chicken noise to lure the chicken onto the camouflaged pit*)  
Chicken: Cluck cluck cluck? Begah! (*runs onto pit, but its weight is not enough to make it cave in*)  
Starcrest: Time to finish the job... (*shoves Wufei over the edge and watches him fall on the chicken, making the pit cave in and squishing the chicken*)  
Chicken: Cluck cluck.. begah? Be-----(*splat*)  
Wufei: Could you have made this hole any deeper?  
Starcrest: 20 feet is a good depth!  
Wufei: Arrgh...  
  
(*Blink is fighting off as many mini GGP's as she can with Final Fantasy 7 magic*)  
Blink: [Master lv. Knights of the Round table: target Mini GGP's]  
[Mini GGP's received 999,999,999 points' damage each]  
[Mini GGP's defeated]  
[Blink receives 10,000 exp.]  
[Blink receives 10,000 gil.]  
[Blink receives the following items: 10 elixir, 100 pumpkin pies, 1 pie magnet, and 3 ugly monkey statues]  
[Blink's level goes up from 58 to 63!]  
(What's this? Blink is evolving!)  
(*Blink evolves into Bijou-chan the French psychotic ham ham!*)   
BCFPHH: Mwahahahaha!  
  
TBC...  
  
wanna see what happens next? That's too bad unless you give me feedback! I wanna know what you think!  
  
  
*** Preview of the next episode: Relena's evil plan comes into play, and as you can guess, there's a laser behind it all  
  
Dorothy: I don't get it. How does someone like you manage to get so many people on your side? You're annoying!  
Relena: You see, my dear friend, I get people to hate me so much they finally like and respect me.  
Dorothy: Why didn't I ever think of it? 


	2. Relena's evil plan comes into play, and ...

Warnings: Same as before, 'cept now, we got the other cast bashing!   
Disclaimer: The GW characters don't belong to me. As for the other characters...go read the other disclaimer 'coz I'm too lazy to write about it now.  
  
  
Episode two: Relena's evil plan comes into play, and as you can guess, there's a laser behind it all  
  
  
In our last episode, a wild Pikachu viscously attacked Kiu, where she fought bitterly against it, finally kicking it into a soccer field full of little children. Also, Starcrest and Wufei successfully caught a chicken while Blink evolved into Bijou-chan the French psychotic ham ham after defeating the Great Giant Pumpkin's evil mini-GGP's. Things, however, weren't looking good for the last four GW boys, for when we last left them, Quatre and Trowa had indulged in their ice cream cravings and become hyper! As for Duo and Heero, well... they weren't exactly in peril, but they might be! Mwahahahaha! [1]  
  
  
(*Relena is sitting on top of a big globe, being spun around in circles by an SD Dorothy*)  
Relena: Again, mini-D, again!  
Mini-D: Eeeeeeh! (*spins the globe some more*)  
(*The real Dorothy comes in, a little disgusted*)  
Dorothy: Hey! What's going on here?   
(*Mini-D stops the globe suddenly, accidentally causing Relena to fly off*)  
Relena: AAAAHHHHH!  
Mini-D: (*looking guilty*) EEG, eel!  
Dorothy: Oh, I guess I can't be mad at you for very long, can I?! (*grabs Mini-D and gives her a manly bear hug*)  
Mini-D: (*gasps for air*)  
Relena: (*scraping herself off the wall*) Thanks a lot, Dorothy! There goes all my fun for today!  
Dorothy: If you want an SD of yourself, go make one of your own!  
Relena: Don't joke like that, Dorothy! You already know I tried!  
Mini-D: (*face is turning blue*)  
Dorothy: So where is the hideous little creation anyway?   
Relena: It isn't hideous, it's just---  
Dorothy: Beautiful impaired?  
Relena: Yeah! 'Beautiful impaired!'  
(*The same Pikachu that Kiu kicked earlier runs in and jumps in Relena's arms*)  
Pikachu: Pika pii pii Pikachu!  
Dorothy: Speak of the devil...  
Mini-D: eeeh! (*finally gets some air and runs off*)  
Relena: Oh, what's wrong sweetie? Did someone kick you in the face again?  
Pikachu: Pikaaaaa! (*sadly*) pika pi pika ka ka chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....  
Relena: What?! That's it, I'm not gonna play nice evil princess anymore! (*throws hands into the air, dropping the Pikachu*) I'll make her pay, pretty pookums, I promise! (*hugs Pikachu*)  
Dorothy: You can understand that thing?  
Relena: Of course--- you can't?  
Dorothy: Sorry, but I don't speak stupid.  
Pikachu: Pika! (*thundershocks everyone in the room*)  
Dorothy: (*fried*) I think I'll go lay down or something. (*hobbles out*)  
Relena: (*fried*) Silly Pikachu! (*picks it up and cuddles it*) Now spin me on my giant globe!  
Pikachu: Pikachu. (*starts spinning Relena on the globe*)  
Relena: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
  
(*In Sanq Kingdom's secret laboratory...*)  
  
Zechs: (*pats something big, covered in a tarp*) This baby's the best one yet!  
Treize: Better than the Libra's?  
Zechs: Definitely, buddy!  
Treize: It'd better be--- I have my best men working on it!  
Zechs: I can't wait 'till it's finished! My baby sister will love it---  
Treize: Sister? (*thinking of Relena's mini-self, Pikachu*) That thing is your sister?  
Zechs: (*thinking of a gorilla*) Yup.  
(*The two leave to have a rose scented bath and drink tea*)  
  
  
(*Starcrest and Kiu are fighting over the last Oreo in the middle of a grassy field*)  
Starcrest: I want it! Give it to me! (*throws an energy ball at Kiu*)  
Kiu: (*dodges*) No way! It's mine!  
Starcrest: That's it! I didn't want to use this, but you've given me no choice!  
Kiu: ???  
Starcrest: (*calls a flock of rabid flying pig monkeys to attack Kiu*) Super-duper mega-flying-pig-monkey-assistance!  
Kiu: -_-'''' (*scares off monkeys with a big boogey-man mask*) Ooga- booga booga!  
Starcrest: O_o No!  
Kiu: Dumbass. (*laughs*)  
Starcrest: Darn! Time for a new attack!  
Kiu: You can't do anything right, can you?  
Starcrest: Grr... Ultra... (*stretches arms out in front of her, palms facing inward*) Mega... (*strains to concentrate the invisible ball forming in front of her*) Super... (*struggles to keep control of it*) Sonic... Blast! (*the huge invisible ball of sound waves shoot out at Kiu.*)  
Kiu: (*By this time, since her attacks are faster, she has already dodged and is attacking Starcrest*) Super mega shin kick!  
Starcrest: Eeep!  
Kiu: (*stops in front of a cowering Starcrest, and pauses for Starcrest to look up before kicking her in the shin*)  
Starcrest: OW! So mean! I will get you for this, my evil-ish counterpart! (*starts running in the other direction and trips over a rock*) NO MORE STARCREST BASHING, PLEASE!!!  
Kiu: Mwahahahahaha! ... Hey, wait, come back here! I'm not done with you! I haven't made my "Why I'm going to rule the universe" speech! (*starts chasing after Starcrest. After several minutes of running, Kiu falls down wheezing from having only one lung*) Darn, where's an extra lung when you need it?  
Starcrest: (*from a safe distance*) Yes, it is very hard to keep your lung inside. Duct tape works very well... oh, wait, what am I saying? I have both my lungs! (*does "Japanese style" of flipping Erica off*)  
Kiu: Hey!  
(*Starcrest runs home*)  
  
  
(*In Heero's room, Duo and Heero are sitting in front of a mirror, trying to see who can make their nostrils flare out the most*)  
Heero: ..:83 It worked! ( :3 )  
Duo: :8D I have a gorilla nose! ( :D )   
Heero: This is so cool! Hey, let's try it with our thumbs!  
Duo: YAY!  
  
  
(*Dorothy is laying in Relena's school's office on the small leather couch. She is trying to think up a way of destroying Relena*)  
Dorothy: (*pondering*)  
Mini-D: (*runs in with a piece of paper, and hands it to Dorothy*) Eeeee!  
Dorothy: Hmm? What's this? (*sees that it is a blue-print for a giant laser cannon*) Oh, I see. Is this why she's so happy?  
Mini-D: (*hears the sound of the can opener being operated*) Eeeeeeeeee! (*runs off*)  
(*Relena enters just as Mini-D is exiting*)  
Relena: (*notices the paper in Dorothy's hands*) What's that in your hand?   
Dorothy: (*stands up*) I see that you were planning on building a giant laser gun.  
Relena: Oh, that?   
Dorothy: Just _what_ are you planning, Miss Relena?  
Relena: Nothing much--- I just want to destroy the Earth, that's all.  
Dorothy: Why would you want to do that? You already have the Earth in the palm of your hands!  
Relena: Yes, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to destroy it still. And besides--- giant laser guns are fun!  
Dorothy: If only the people knew how stupid you were.  
Relena: Yup.  
Dorothy: I have a question for you.  
Relena: Shoot.  
Dorothy: How does someone as stupid and annoying as you manage to gain control of the Earth without using force? It can't just be the political status your father left you.  
Relena: Simple. I get people to hate me so much they finally crack and think they like and respect me.  
Dorothy: Why didn't I think of that?!   
Relena: Could it be because you are stupid?  
Dorothy: Quite Possibly.  
  
(*In the backyard, Quatre and Trowa are digging in the dirt with a spoon and a stuffed badger. They are in the same costumes as the last episode*)  
Quatre: (*waves spoon in Trowa's direction*) Hurry, Trowa, if we don't, we'll be late for the party! (*resumes digging*)  
Trowa: (*frantic*) Hey! It's kind of hard to dig with a dead badger!  
Quatre: (*smacks Trowa*) No time for complaining!  
Trowa: (*crying suddenly*) You know I love you, don't you!  
Quatre: (*hugs Trowa, then resumes digging*) Yes, but if we don't hurry, we'll miss the initiation party! Mars is still a long way down!  
Trowa: I understand! We must finish digging a tunnel to Mars! We must become aliens!  
(*As they are digging, a squirrel foaming at the mouth eating a dead Twinkie is watching them from a tree...*)  
  
(*Meanwhile...*)  
  
Starcrest: Hey, Kiu, I have a poem for you! (*clears throat*) Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?! (*laughs insanely at the mirror in front of her*)  
Starcrest: That's perfect practice! Now all I have to do is find her and tell her quick enough without getting into a complete speech... (*leaves bathroom, and walks around her room, looking for something to get Kiu back with*) Hmmmm... heh heh heh heh... that's perfect! (*walks to the dresser and picks something up*)  
Starcrest: This will definitely ensure my victory over Kiu! Mwahahahaha!--- aw, forget it. I'm not in the mood.  
  
(*she leaves the house in search of Kiu*)   
Starcrest: Hmmmm... I wonder if this is where she went? (*looks at sign that says: "Danger. Illusion forest. Do not enter unless you want to be lost for eternity or eaten by some harpies."*) Oh! (*happily skips in...*)   
  
(*unknowingly, on the other side of the forest...*)  
Kiu: Ooh, when I find her, I'll...I'll... (*finds Illusion forest and reads a sign*) Knowing that dunderhead, she probably came in here looking for me... -_-''''   
(*she walks into the forest, and after a good forty-eight minutes, she is attacked by a harpy*)  
Harpy: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
Kiu: (*not the slightest bit afraid*) You don't wanna mess with me, bird freak.  
Harpy: (*upset*) Hey! I have feelings too! And just for that, I'm going to eat you!  
Kiu: Whatever. Besides, I haven't got any meat on my bones. (*shows the harpy how skinny she is*) Buuuuuuuuuuut~~~~ there's a plump girl walking around here somewhere probably. I bet that if you sniff the air a bit, and you smell something stinky, you'll find her.  
Harpy: Ah, I see. Thank you, human. You are spared, for now.  
Kiu: Eheheheheheheh.....  
  
(*Blink is walking around a big boulder, unsure of whether or not she can swallow it in one gulp*)  
Blink: To gulpies in one gulpies or not to gulpies in one gulpies... that ish the kwestion! (*eats the boulder with no problem*) Me likes rocks! (*decides it's time to go home*)  
Blink: Hm, me wonders what Heero and Duo ish doing? (*finds Duo, Wufei, and Heero dancing happily in the living room with "gorilla noses"*)  
Blink: o_O'''  
Wufei: X8D Gorilla nose! ( XD )  
Heero: :83 This is so kewl! ( :3 )  
Duo: :8D Yeah! ( :D )  
(*Blink shakes her head and goes to her room to watch some more Shrek*)  
  
(*Relena is in her secret lair on the moon, sitting on top of the giant laser that's pointing out at the Earth. Zechs, Une, Trieze, Dorothy, mini-d, and Pikachu, along with Relena's many minions, are all there, waiting for the right moment to blow up the Earth*)  
Zechs: My baby sister has grown up so nicely--- It seems like only yesterday that she was destroying sand castles other little children made, and look at her now! She's destroying an entire planet all by herself!  
Treize: It truly is amazing how children can grow up so quickly.  
Dorothy: ... -_-''' (*is holding Mini-d, who is laughing maniacally in a horrendous way*)  
Mini-D: Eeeheeeeeheeeheee!  
Une: (*to Treize*) Sir, are you sure this is such a good idea?  
Treize: (*to Une*) Of, course, my lady, why wouldn't it be?  
Une: Well, you see, our headquarters is on Earth...  
Treize: We can build a new headquarters.  
Une: But I loved the tree house!  
Treize: I told you, lady, we can build a new tree house!  
Une: But it won't be the same! I... I grew up in that tree house...  
Treize: That'll be enough of that! Go make me a rose scented bath right away, and forget about the tree house! It's time for new beginnings!  
Une: (*crying*) Yes, sir. (*leaves*)  
Zechs: She's too sensitive. She should be eliminated.  
Treize: While this is true, I can't get rid of her quite yet.  
Zechs: Why is this?  
Treize: She just happens to own an embarrassing picture of myself perfect for blackmail.  
Zechs: (*slyly*) Reeeeeeeeeeeaally now? Just what is in this picture?  
Treize: ... She snapped a surprise photo of me in a cheerleader uniform when Wufei and I were, uh, playing "dress up." (*slight nosebleed*)  
Zechs: ...I see. Well, I gotta go! (*runs after Une*)  
Treize: See you later!  
(*Relena clears her throat, grabbing everyone's attention. She is holding Pikachu in her arms*)  
Relena: The time has come, my friends and minions, to destroy the Earth!  
Minions and friends: Yes!   
Relena: Pikachu! Will you do me the honors of starting the laser cannon?  
Pikachu: Pika pii! (*presses a big red button labeled "start"*)  
Dorothy: (*looks smug*)  
(*the laser cannon charges up, and starts to shoot a laser, but it dies down and stops. There is an awkward silence in the room*)  
Relena: (*angry*) What happened?! (* runs down to the side of the cannon and opens a small door where two batteries are sitting*)  
Pikachu: Pika!  
Relena: (*Pulls out two double A Duracel Batteries*) What is this?!  
Dorothy: (*approaches Relena and examines the batteries*) They look like Duracel batteries, Miss Relena. It seems someone in this room wants to foil your plans.  
Relena: Who did this? Who put these cheap batteries in here? I specifically asked for Energizer batteries! Everyone knows they last longer!  
Dorothy: (*points to a random minion*) He looks suspicious!   
Random minion: I'm innocent!  
Dorothy: Liar! (*shoots the random minion with her laser eyes, causing him to explode*) So, did he have any accomplices?  
(*everyone is silent*)  
  
(*Meanwhile...*)  
  
(*the forest is incredibly dark, and Starcrest needs a flashlight to avoid tripping over anything. She is following a set of footprints*)  
Starcrest: Geez, it's been over three hours, and these footprints are leading me nowhere!  
(*Not to her knowledge, she's been walking around the same tree following her own tracks all day. It takes another hour for her to figure it out and move on away from the tracks*)  
Starcrest: Man, I am SO blond! Was this even worth destroying Kiu over? (* thinks for a minute, then bursts out laughing*) Of course it is! Hahahahahahahaha! I'll do anything to ensure that it is _I_ who rules the Earth, and not Kiu! (*continues to laugh as she follows the same set of tracks she was following before*)   
Starcrest: Hahahahaha! Hey, footprints! I bet if I follow them, they'll take me out of--- (*there is a loud screech and she shuts up*)  
Voice: Eeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!  
Starcrest: Holy, cow, what the--- (*is attacked by a harpy*)  
Harpy: Grrrr... human, you have foolishly ignored the warnings! The price for your stupidity is your life! (*approaches Starcrest*)  
Starcrest: Oi, outta my way, ya ignorant beast! I have no time to fight with you now! (*clumsily swipes her hand at the harpy in attempts to scare it away, but it doesn't even flinch. Instead, it growls*)  
Harpy: I'll eat you!  
Starcrest: Uh... why would you want to eat me?  
Harpy: You're fat and juicy, and you walked into this forest like a bumbling fool. No, wait, correction, you _are_ a bumbling fool.  
Starcrest: I...am...? (*pinches love handles and then starts to cry*) I'm not fat! I've been working out you know! It's not easy to be this beautiful! I'll teach you!  
Harpy: Heh heh heh, human, there is nothing you can possibly do to save yourself now. Give up and just strip to your underwear so I don't have so much trouble trying to pick all that hard armor off of you.  
Starcrest: You underestimate me! Take this, beast of burden! (*show the harpy what she is going to defeat Kiu with. The harpy gags, chokes, then dies*)  
Starcrest: Wow, if that worked on a tough harpy like that, it will surely defeat Kiu the same way! (*walks past harpy hurriedly, has a second thought, runs back and kicks the dead animal, then runs off*) She'll never know what hit her!  
  
  
(*After giving up digging a tunnel to the planet Mars, Trowa and Quatre successfully clean out the entire kitchen of it's sweets and goodies*)  
Quatre: (*frantically*) That's all of it!  
Trowa: And we still haven't become aliens!  
Quatre: Hey, I know! We can make our own country, then cross into America and become illegal aliens!  
Trowa: Isn't that illegal?  
Quatre: Of course not!  
Trowa: Alright then! But where are we going to find a free country so early in the afternoon?  
Quatre: I know! (*takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the kitchen floor*)  
Trowa: What should we call it?  
Quatre: Uh.... (*searches his little brain*) uh....  
Trowa: "Uh-uh?"  
Quatre: No! I think we should call it "Sandrockland!"  
Trowa: "Sandrockland?" No way! What about "Heavyarmsville?" That sounds way cooler than "Sandrockland!"  
Quatre: Sandrockland!  
Trowa: Heavyarmsville!  
Quatre: SANDROCKLAND!!!  
Trowa: HEAVYARMSVILLE!!!  
(*both argue that way for a few minutes*)  
Quatre: Fine! You can have your stupid "Heavyarmsville!" I'll make my own country! (*draws another circle and stands in it*)  
Trowa: Fine! I don't need you anyway! (*stands in his circle*)  
Quatre: Fine! I officially declare this land "Sandrockland!"  
Trowa: And I officially declare this land "Heavyarmsville!"  
(*both glare at eachother for awhile*)  
Quatre: What are you staring at, "Heavyarmsian"?  
Trowa: I don't know, I haven't been able to tell quite yet, "Sandrockian"! Why don't you let me get an encyclopedia so I can find out?  
Quatre: That's it! I officially declare war on you!  
Trowa: Then I officially declare war on you!  
(*They build little forts on each "country" and glare at eachother*)  
Trowa: Hey, Sandrockian, you know what I think?  
Quatre: Can you even think?  
Trowa: (*runs over to Quatre's circle and spits in it*) That's what I think of your country!  
Quatre: (*gasps*) You... Argh! Take this!  
Trowa: (*hides behind his fort as Quatre hacks a loogie three feet from his location into Trowa's "country"*) Hey! That' gross! That's like using nuclear warheads! Cheater!  
Quatre: There is no cheating in war! (*laughs maniacally*) All's fair in love and war, my ex-best friend!   
Trowa: I will not surrender to the likes of you!  
(*they start hurling random things at eachother, mostly kitchen utensils. After a good twenty-eight minutes, Blink comes in for popcorn*)  
Blink: o.O''' What's going on in here? You've ruined Starcrest's kitchen! She'll kill you!  
Quatre: Not now! We're having a war! (*throws a loaf of bread at Trowa*)  
Trowa: Take this! (*throws Starcrest's little sister's super fat cat, Keke, and knocks over Quatre's fort*) Ha! I win! [2]  
Quatre: Nooooooooooooooo!!!! (*cries as Trowa takes over his "country" and plunders his "land"*)  
Blink: (*sadly*) Why can't societies just get along?  
  
TBC...  
  
***Next: Commercial break   
  
  
[1] I've decided that the evolution system for Blink will be based on the Digimon evolution. So basically, she only evolves and de-evolves when times are dangerous.  
[2] Yes, my younger sister owns a fat cat, and her name really is Keke. 


End file.
